"I love you Mama.""

Xin is our earliest riser. Often he wakes up and crawls in bed with me and Will and gets his "snuggle time". Today he did just that. He was wrapped in my arms and we were doing butterfly kisses, Eskimo kisses and Mommy kisses. Out of the blue, unprovoked, he said, "I love you Mama." Heart stopper. You see this process of adopting an older child has been much different than with Jaida, a 9 month old baby. He has a history, a past, a personality, an opinion. These often get in the way when we don't know exactly what his life was like before us. It makes it hard. He is doing beautifully and we are all finding our new roles but it isn't easy. I often feel guilty for feeling less than "head over heels" in love with him. But he came to us as a person,not a baby. You don't just automatically love a person. Love has to grow. For some reason a baby is much easier. Maybe it is because they are helpless. They are suppose to cry and scream and kick their little feet. A 4 yr old is not suppose to kick their not so little feet at you. This would be a time-out occasion. So adopting an older child you go from being handed your child to becoming the nurturer, disciplinarian, friend, helper, teacher etc in a matter of seconds. You don't get to go through that pure nurturer stage where you just get to love your child. How do you discipline a child you have only known for a few minutes? How do you reassure a child that has been taken from the only world they have ever known that they won't be taken from this new world? How do you build that trust, that love? Especially when you have a language barrier and a lack of knowledge of their history. You do it slowly. Over time. One building block at a time. "I love you Mama." That is a BIG building block. He likes it here? He likes us? I guess time will tell. I have to tell myself daily that it is ok to "grow" this relationship with my new son. I read on someones blog that adopting an older child is like having someone hand you a man and say...."Here is your husband. Now go love him." Yeah ok maybe if he looked like Brad Pitt.....just trying to add a little humor here to this heavy subject. I don't even think Brad Pitt is all that cute anymore. He was at one time, especially in the movie "Legends of the Fall." sigh.....back to reality. God chose me to be Xin's mother. What a privilege. I will show this little boy, one building block at a time, what it means to receive love and to give love. And for now, I will take that sweet "I love you Mama" and hold on to it and let it take our relationship to the next level. I knew God had something for me to learn through this adoption. Little did I know it was how to love. I thought I already knew that. Turns out I guess I didn't know as much as I thought I did.

The Beach

At last the fun stuff! We headed to the beach for a family vacation with Will's family and had some fun in the sun....hot, very hot sun! Again, the thrills of watching Xin discover the beach for the first time brought tears to my eyes! He LOVED it!!! He was swimming a short distance to me by the end of the trip. He really loves new adventures and it is a priveldge to be his Mommy and watch him discover life!

Julia is the skim board queen! She is REALLY good and even had people on the beach asking for lessons!

He jumped in a 1000 times. He and Sam made up all kinds of "boy" jumps-Star Wars, gorilla, sword fighting, Bakugan, Kung-fu, etc!

Boogie boarding is always a must!

I love these SILLY kids!!!!!!!!

Cardiologist....check!

We saw the pediatric cardiologist today, bright and early 8:15 am. I have read on other blogs of families with kids with medical needs and how they are so good and patient at the doctor appointments, like they have done this all before. Well, our little guy followed right along. His only question to me is, "Mama, Xinran......and he motions like he is getting a shot,?" Once I say no, he goes right along with the program. They listened, examined, hooked him up to wires, did and echo cardiogram and he just watched with patience and grace. He got a glowing report with this doctor too!!!! Actually the words the doctor used were, "He had a perfect repair. His heart looks perfect and he is a perfectly normal little boy!" PERFECT repair.....praise God! We don't even need a follow up appointment.

So this "special needs" little fella, turns out pretty "normal". Now we do have a ways to go with the palate surgery he is going to need and speech which he desperately needs, but all in all, a"normal" kid. If you have ever considered adopting a "special needs" child please don't let those words scare you. Yes, there are needs out there that are vast and comprehensive but the majority of these kids' needs are pretty ordinary. What they really need.....love, a family, a chance, and to be told about their savior.

To celebrate our great doctors' reports and Xin's excellent behavior, we all went to see Karate Kid today. So cool....all filmed in China. We had seen so many of the places in the film, which made it even better. Xin loved his 1st movie and watched the entire thing. They spoke a lot of Chinese and it was neat to see him listening. We may have missed a lot of his typical baby-book "firsts" but I have so enjoyed seeing the joy on his face when he experiences something new for the 1st time. A blessing of older child adoption!!!! We are thankful for a great report and a fun day!!!!!

ENT and we are OK

Yahoo! We visited the ENT today and Xin got a glowing report. There can be several problems associated with cleft children and thank the Lord he had NONE!!!! He will need tubes put in only as a preventative measure as Xin is going to need a corrective surgery on his palate. The ENT will insert the tubes at the same time as the palate surgery. This will help prevent any fluid build up that may occur with the surgery. He thinks this will be the only set he needs. Praise God for this good report! Off to the cardiologist tomorrow and we are praying we get a good report there too.

After all the medical stuff I will post pictures of our trip to the beach last week! Much more fun than doc appointments!

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there! Especially to my husband, thank you for being a godly father to our 4 children and for caring for our family in the manner that you do. I am blessed to have you as my partner and our children our blessed to have you as their Daddy! We love you!!!!

And to my Dad, I love you Dad and I thank you for all the years of love, sacrifices and time and energy you spent with me and now with my children. I am blessed to call you my Dad!

Memorial Day Weekend 2010

This is a few days late as my darn old back went out and I have been laying flat for the past couple of days and feeling as if I was in labor without an epidural! I think I have turned the corner and can now come back to the land of the living, moving and breathing. I have a GREAT chiropractor and it was such a God thing" how I ended up as his patient. He works magic and prays for you too!!! Can't beat that combo!

Anyway, we went to the lake this weekend and it was Xin's first time. He had a ball. What is not to love-water, boats, toys galore and food enough to feed an army. Oh yeah, and attention from Nana and Poppy. I can't believe he has only been home for a month. He is really very adaptable and has continued to do well. He even saw a parade of over 500 motorcycles that go through the small town that my parents live near. Very patriotic and he came back waving an American flag!The princess in her private poolThe girls enjoying the lakeChecking out what a lake really is and thinking about maybe going in.

Sam is in!

Ollie enjoying the view of the lake from the deck-see small brown fury head screen right?

He is in and he is loving it!!!

My sweet big girl!