In Preparation

So, I THOUGHT the job loss thing was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. No. That was just God preparing me for this. He was teaching me over those many months to fully trust Him, to fully rely on Him. I am a doer, a get things done. type A personality. I see something"broken" and want to fix it. Most of my life this has worked. I am self-reliant. But God showed me in the job loss that He doesn't want us to be self-reliant. He wants us to be God-reliant. I have had to let go of the job-thing and let Him do…. and trust, beyond a shadow of a doubt, He had a plan.

I find myself struggling here. I want to do, to fix, and yet I can't. It is so BIG! And there is a language barrier and a cultural barrier and 2 governments in the way. So I must submit to Him, who holds the whole world in His mighty and capable hands. I pray for direction, guidance, eyes to see and ears to hear what it is He is showing me. The bells told me He was here, remember? 

I miss home terribly. I miss my family. I miss America and the modern conveniences. I REALLY want to go to my "Happy Place" aka Ponte Vedra Beach. Is that terrible of me???? I know it ends for me. But not for them. They will not go back to a cushy life. And really I don't know how I will? But a part of me wants to go. To forget. To pretend it all doesn't exist. That a baby doesn't lie waiting for heart surgery, or cleft surgery or to go to school, or for heavens sake a bath and clean clothes. But I can't forget.

 Proverbs 24:12"Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know and holds us responsible to act."

If I forget than who will be their voice? But how? How can I be their voice? I am so small. Aaaaaahhh….but He, He is so BIG! "He  who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," Eph 3:20. I must pray and seek Him and listen to His leading. I must trust and believe in this good God of mine.

Please join me in praying for this place and all the others like it in the world. Also, please pray for Charlotte. And if anybody out there reading this knows someone or has a connection to Love Without Boundaries, New Day Foster Home or a similar type organization that would get this little girl heart surgery, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know! If this little girl is the ONLY reason I was sent here, to be her voice, than I must be her voice. If this were your daughter, wouldn't you move mountains to get her the care she needed????? Well, she doesn't have parents to fight for her so we must. Think hard, any connection could be useful. And remember……He can and will do immeasurably more!!!!!

 

On a lighter note……

Ok, so the last couple of posts have been so heavy I thought I would lighten things up a bit. Cause to tell you the truth, the heavy stuff gets really hard to carry all the time! So, without further delay........enjoy the "lighter load"! 

 I was going to try to post via the blog and not email but not loading so….you will get pictures with no captions. Sorry!

Yesterday, when we went back to the orphanage after lunch, we were ushered into the conference room to make dumplings with the nannies and the director. We were then going to partake in a meal with the them and some of the older, more "with-it" kids. I can't tell you what a joy this was! To be around a conference table laughing and talking and joking with these ladies as they taught us how to make dumplings, well priceless pretty much sums it up! The relationships that have been built here are amazing! There was so much joy in the room. I felt Jesus presence. Just what we all needed! God is so good! So it was quite funny really to see us all struggling to do what they do so easily. Looks simple…NOT! We must have made 600 or so dumplings-no joke! They commented that we got better as we went on! They did vote my dumplings the "best"-Ha Ha, not saying much as you should have seen these things! But they were so very good!!!!!! We had a big table with lots of dumplings and various Chinese dishes as we all sat together. Not many words exchanged due to the language barrier, but smiles and laughs. Even the director was smiling and laughing. She is usually quite staunch, kind, but smiley would NOT sum her up. The kids sat at another table and there was silence. They had never had dumplings before. They enjoyed every morsel. When we finished we stood outside in the "cooler" evening air as the kids ran around. It was almost as if they were "normal" kids, playing outside on a warm summer evening after a delicious home cooked meal. They ran up every once-in-awhile for a hug but they were enjoying being kids. Such a beautiful picture I will store away in my heart and mind.

Today, we took a dozen or so kids to church. Church! You read that right! Our guide told us they would say "no" but our leader asked and they said yes! We were quite the sight this morning as we Americans, who stand out anyway, paraded through the streets of Chenzhou with orphans in tow, crossing the busy and crazy streets holding onto their sweaty little hands for dear life. Our prayers were that those witnessing this spectacle took it into their hearts what it is we are doing here and maybe, just maybe, they would wander up the hill one day and ask what THEY could do for these precious little people. So we arrived around 9:00 and they ushered us upstairs to the balcony. We were armed with candy, cookies, fruit snacks and coloring books. I must say, I had my doubts about how this was going to go over. Fabulous! They were great. There were a few loud voices, but all in all, they sang, colored ate and watched. Just like our kids do in church at home. And let me tell you, this was no air-conditioned building. Oh no. HOT does not begin to describe it. And we were there for and hour and a half. As I sat there looking down the pews at the children and the 2 nannies that accompanied us, I prayed for hearts to be open and for love to be felt. I prayed His protection over them and those up on the hill not there. Then it happened…….the bells started. It took me a moment. And then I started sobbing. (Look back a few posts…right before I left, for my post on "the bells" entitled "Above the Noise") He is here too. I/we just have to listen. And look. And trust. He knows them all. He loves them all. God is so good! I can't describe to you this morning. Priceless again. These words aren't doing it justice. Julia said the nanny behind her was singing,loud, and speaking the words with conviction. She said, "Mom, I so felt God there!" Such a great morning! Thank you Lord for your awesome display of grace!

The least of the least of these…words, pictures below in separate post

Ok so this posting via email doesn't work quite so well. Captions and words and pics don't always line up or get sent together. so here are the words to the  post "Least of the least of these" 

photo 1 These are my girls. Angelina, the cleft baby, who one day will have lips as beautiful as Angelina Jolie! And Minnie, well, the name just fits!

photo 2 She is skin and bones.

photo 3 Minnie fell asleep

photo 4 Check out the size of her arm compared to my finger…and don't miss the PALE color of her skin! She is quite strong in spite of her size!

photo 5 Please pray for sweet Charlotte. She needs surgery,NOW! But they did give her oxygen and an iv today and she looks better.

photo 6 Ray, 25 lbs of love! I don't think he is adoptable.

photo 7 Sky, she is 14 and autistic they think…not adoptable.

photo 8 Cassie, a heart baby.

photo 9 Sydney, 14, very severe, not adoptable. LOVES to hold your hand but cries silent tears sometimes.

photo 10 This child is 5. Not adoptable

photo 11 This little girl bites her hands until they bleed so they tie them behind her back. Not adoptable

photo 12 This is Sadie….she wants to be a cheerleader and practices her splits all the time! Oh so flexible!

photo 13 This is PJ. He never gets off this pot, aka toilet, and shakes his head "no" continually. Not adoptable.

Most of these kids will not ever be adopted because they are truly the least of the least of these. This is just a sampling. Millions more wait around the world to be shown love. We can't adopt them, but can't we all go and show them love? Even if only for a few weeks at a time? Love is NEVER wasted. After all, God is love and He commands us to love….especially those forgotten by the world.

                                                                                   "Kings & Queens"

Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won't let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

[Chorus:]
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty 
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won't you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

[Chorus]

If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these

Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these 
We will love the least of these

The least, of the least of these……

Day 3 at Chenzhou

Hot
Humid
the smell…if you have ever been to China you know what I mean
Hard beds
Warm drinks…no ice and no cold drinks
People everywhere
CRAZY driving
Sick kids with green snot running out of their noses and onto you
KIds grabbing at you and anything that is yours
Severe special needs kids rocking back and forth or drooling or grunting
Babies that are blue
Babies that weigh 4 lbs
Dirty clothes
smelly kids
Bodily secretions on you
Little bodies filled with scars, scratches, bruises and sores
Heart-ache that wakes you up in the middle of the night
Little dirty faces that haunt you
Praying these dirty little faces fight for life
The feeling of overwhelming helplessness
Missing your brown-eyed babies….and blue -eyed boy at home….tremendously
But…….knowing God has placed you here, amidst all of this, and feeling HIs presence as you pray over them and for them
Wanting to be nowhere else at the moment

Day 2

I am having a hard time using words-I am not usually at a loss for words :-). There are just so many emotions running through me and I can't seem to sort them out. Hope. I wanted to concentrate on my verse: Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future…..it is so hard to see the hope for these kids. We played outside with the older kids the first part of the day. These are kids that will never be adopted due to severe special needs or kids not available for adoption. There are 3 or 4 "healthy" older kids in the bunch. They are precious but they need to be adopted and given a chance. The rest of them, break my heart. Even something as simple as drawing with chalk was a challenge for some. They cling to any bit of attention shown to them and some cry when you have to walk away momentarily. The sweet, sensitive ones get taken advantage by the more aggressive ones and it is so hard to watch. Julia held and played with a little boy named Ray today. He looks like a little old man. He is frail and oh so thin and so sensitive and sweet. He just wants to be loved. I would take him home in a second.

Then we went back after lunch and spent the afternoon with the babies. I held 2 babies that together weighed less than one of my bio babies. The first was a little down syndrome girl that looked to be about 4 lbs. We put a clean new outfit on her and she looked better…..but oh so tiny. She seemed to be struggling to breathe. After trying to get her some stimulation, I rocked her to sleep and placed her back in her crib next to her "friend". This is a bilateral cleft baby that also looked about 4lbs. We put a new outfit on her and it made me cringe to see her frail skin and bones body. Her leg was the size of my finger. She is quite alert and enjoyed walking around and being out of the crib. I got to feed her and I made sure she drank it all. She too fell asleep in my arms. As I held these little girls, I prayed for them, told them Jesus loved them and that He did have a hope for them. I gave both of them a good talking to and told them they had to fight. I made them promise not to give up…ever! I pray they make it. Julia took care of a little heart baby that was blue. I mean BLUE. I noticed that when she picked her up she turned as if to breast feed. She is also quite plump for a heart baby. I asked and they said she was brought in about a month ago! She desperately needs heart surgery. I am sure her mother wanted to keep her but couldn't afford the surgery so she left her there. SHe wanted to give her a chance to survive. She loved her enough to give her away so she had hope. Please Lord let this child get the surgery she needs!

So how do I make all of "this" make sense? How do I just leave these babies and kids here? How do I go back to my cushy life in America where I complain about the DUMBEST things????? Will these babies I/we held, rocked and played with even live? Will sweet little Ray get his toy taken away if Julia isn't there to defend him? Will the 14 year girl I thought was a boy cry silent tears and pinch herself over and over again because she is frightened? I simply held her hands and smiled at her and she looked into my eyes and stopped. What will happen to her? Oh the sad reality that is their lives. As you celebrate the 4th of July and freedom today please don't take for granted the blessings we Americans have. And please pray for these kids that don't have what we have. Pray for hope.

Day 1 at the orphanage

Hard. Sad. Overwhelming. Hopelessness. Helplessness. All words that describe today. Hug your children a little tighter. Be thankful for the blessings you have.Thank God you are family. Then please pray for those that don't have family. The orphans. The children we were with today. They are real. Real kids without. Real kids with special needs, medical issues, needing life saving surgeries, needing most of all….. love. And hope. I prayed over them today. Little people with such sadness in their souls, who smile when you hold their hands….and then don't want to let go. It is such a BIG problem where do you start. You give what you can and God multiplies it. Please Lord let me love big and give big these next 2 weeks and please multiply my humble gift.