Change....a loss, an end and a new beginning

I have not had the energy to post as of late but I am getting back on my feet and my head is clearing. We have had some BIG changes in our family. In April we learned Will's position of 16 years would be eliminated. We were shocked, saddened, angry, scared, confused and many more adjectives....... There was a new position being created and a possibility he could take that job. 3 weeks ago we learned that was not going to be the case. This Friday is his last day of work. It has been very emotional around here. In these 3 weeks we have experienced many ups and many more downs. We have learned many things about ourselves, who our true friends are and about God. I have gone from  angry, pouting, stressed,whining and questioning to, through many hours of prayer and seeking Him, thankful, expectant, peaceful and even joy-filled. Don't get me wrong, I still have a LONG way to go but I see the light and I see His goodness.

 Will's job has provided very well for us, given us many cool experiences and privileges, and allowed us to bring 3 children home from China. But this job was dangerously close to stealing his soul. It took him away from his family all too often and the deep desires of his heart. God in His infinite wisdom and graciousness plucked him from this and gave him/us a brand new start. God has a much better plan for him and us. We believe this. In the beginning Satan snuck in, and our heads knew this but our hearts and souls started to doubt. Fear would rear its ugly head and hide His promises from my heart. But both of us have persisted in claiming His promises, praying for faith, strength, wisdom, joy, thankfulness and peace. And He is supplying. We don't know what lies ahead but we know we serve a loving, good and sovereign God who has all of our best interest ultimately in mind.

Because of the added stress of a job loss we decided to enroll Jiada and Xin in the local public school. They started Monday. Jaida in Kindergarten and Xin in 1st grade. After all my angst over this decision too, things could not be going better! They LOVE it! And this Mama is feeling much relief and as if someone took the world off my shoulders. Homeschooling 9th, 5th, two 1st graders and a new 2 year old took a toll...and throw in a hubby who needs me more now too....well, there wasn't much left of me and what was left....wasn't too pretty! I don't think I would have done anyone any good if I were in the "nut house". So to school they went and all are happy.

Change. Why is it so hard for us? Why do we resist it? Why does it scare us? Why don't we embrace it as new opportunities to flourish in His will? Maybe because with change comes loss. And that is sad. And some uncertainty.And that is scary. And loss of control. Even scarier. But we are fooling ourselves if we think we  are really in control of our  own lives. He orchestrates all that enters our lives and sees it from  an eternal perspective. We see only through human eyes..the here and now. So we won't ever understand all that happens in this life. There are injustices, there are hard times, there is deep sadness but He promises to be with us and never leave us and He promises a time when there will be no more tears. So we will go to our knees even more and lean on Him and depend on Him and grow in Him. We will look expectantly and dare I say even a bit excitedly, into the future to see where it is God will place us and what He purposes for our lives. Will has done an amazing job of glorifying God and testifying to His goodness through all of this and I am so proud of him. His faith has been amazing. Our kids have been amazing. And together with His divine guidance we will all get through this and begin the next chapter of our lives. To Him be the glory!

First day of school...so excited!!!!!!