Day 2

I am having a hard time using words-I am not usually at a loss for words :-). There are just so many emotions running through me and I can't seem to sort them out. Hope. I wanted to concentrate on my verse: Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future…..it is so hard to see the hope for these kids. We played outside with the older kids the first part of the day. These are kids that will never be adopted due to severe special needs or kids not available for adoption. There are 3 or 4 "healthy" older kids in the bunch. They are precious but they need to be adopted and given a chance. The rest of them, break my heart. Even something as simple as drawing with chalk was a challenge for some. They cling to any bit of attention shown to them and some cry when you have to walk away momentarily. The sweet, sensitive ones get taken advantage by the more aggressive ones and it is so hard to watch. Julia held and played with a little boy named Ray today. He looks like a little old man. He is frail and oh so thin and so sensitive and sweet. He just wants to be loved. I would take him home in a second.

Then we went back after lunch and spent the afternoon with the babies. I held 2 babies that together weighed less than one of my bio babies. The first was a little down syndrome girl that looked to be about 4 lbs. We put a clean new outfit on her and she looked better…..but oh so tiny. She seemed to be struggling to breathe. After trying to get her some stimulation, I rocked her to sleep and placed her back in her crib next to her "friend". This is a bilateral cleft baby that also looked about 4lbs. We put a new outfit on her and it made me cringe to see her frail skin and bones body. Her leg was the size of my finger. She is quite alert and enjoyed walking around and being out of the crib. I got to feed her and I made sure she drank it all. She too fell asleep in my arms. As I held these little girls, I prayed for them, told them Jesus loved them and that He did have a hope for them. I gave both of them a good talking to and told them they had to fight. I made them promise not to give up…ever! I pray they make it. Julia took care of a little heart baby that was blue. I mean BLUE. I noticed that when she picked her up she turned as if to breast feed. She is also quite plump for a heart baby. I asked and they said she was brought in about a month ago! She desperately needs heart surgery. I am sure her mother wanted to keep her but couldn't afford the surgery so she left her there. SHe wanted to give her a chance to survive. She loved her enough to give her away so she had hope. Please Lord let this child get the surgery she needs!

So how do I make all of "this" make sense? How do I just leave these babies and kids here? How do I go back to my cushy life in America where I complain about the DUMBEST things????? Will these babies I/we held, rocked and played with even live? Will sweet little Ray get his toy taken away if Julia isn't there to defend him? Will the 14 year girl I thought was a boy cry silent tears and pinch herself over and over again because she is frightened? I simply held her hands and smiled at her and she looked into my eyes and stopped. What will happen to her? Oh the sad reality that is their lives. As you celebrate the 4th of July and freedom today please don't take for granted the blessings we Americans have. And please pray for these kids that don't have what we have. Pray for hope.