Monday, July 8, 2013

In Preparation

So, I THOUGHT the job loss thing was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. No. That was just God preparing me for this. He was teaching me over those many months to fully trust Him, to fully rely on Him. I am a doer, a get things done. type A personality. I see something"broken" and want to fix it. Most of my life this has worked. I am self-reliant. But God showed me in the job loss that He doesn't want us to be self-reliant. He wants us to be God-reliant. I have had to let go of the job-thing and let Him do…. and trust, beyond a shadow of a doubt, He had a plan.

I find myself struggling here. I want to do, to fix, and yet I can't. It is so BIG! And there is a language barrier and a cultural barrier and 2 governments in the way. So I must submit to Him, who holds the whole world in His mighty and capable hands. I pray for direction, guidance, eyes to see and ears to hear what it is He is showing me. The bells told me He was here, remember? 

I miss home terribly. I miss my family. I miss America and the modern conveniences. I REALLY want to go to my "Happy Place" aka Ponte Vedra Beach. Is that terrible of me???? I know it ends for me. But not for them. They will not go back to a cushy life. And really I don't know how I will? But a part of me wants to go. To forget. To pretend it all doesn't exist. That a baby doesn't lie waiting for heart surgery, or cleft surgery or to go to school, or for heavens sake a bath and clean clothes. But I can't forget.

 Proverbs 24:12"Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know and holds us responsible to act."

If I forget than who will be their voice? But how? How can I be their voice? I am so small. Aaaaaahhh….but He, He is so BIG! "He  who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," Eph 3:20. I must pray and seek Him and listen to His leading. I must trust and believe in this good God of mine.

Please join me in praying for this place and all the others like it in the world. Also, please pray for Charlotte. And if anybody out there reading this knows someone or has a connection to Love Without Boundaries, New Day Foster Home or a similar type organization that would get this little girl heart surgery, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know! If this little girl is the ONLY reason I was sent here, to be her voice, than I must be her voice. If this were your daughter, wouldn't you move mountains to get her the care she needed????? Well, she doesn't have parents to fight for her so we must. Think hard, any connection could be useful. And remember……He can and will do immeasurably more!!!!!

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